Nine Ways to Help an Anxious Child Return to School

With the return to school just around the corner, here are a few ideas that have helped in my own house, and with the other parents I've worked with.

# 1. Don't ignore the fact that school is coming Being ambushed by the end of the holidays is the worst kind of surprise for an anxious child. Talk about the return to school in a factual, matter-of-fact way whenever it's relevant — especially when you can tie it to something concrete that's already happening, like "next week Cubs starts again.

# 2. Plan something low-key and fun for the last day of the holidays It doesn't need to be a big day out — just something that makes your child feel good. Nobody should be sitting around with nothing better to think about than school starting the next day.

# 3. Get everything ready at least a couple of days in advance The stress of hunting for school books or packing lunch boxes the night before the first day back won't help anyone. Sort the practical things out early so the last evening of the holidays can stay calm.

# 4. Talk about school in a practical, neutral way Instead of "how are you feeling about school?", try "what would you like for lunch on your first day back?" Practical questions keep the conversation open without putting your child on the spot about their feelings.

# 5. Meet up with a school friend or two before term starts A get-together in the days before they return brings the idea of school back into view, but keeps the focus on the good bits — seeing their friends. it also begins the transition gently, from home to school.

# 6. Give your child space to talk about their worries — and really listen If they want to talk, resist the urge to dismiss what they say with "oh, you'll be fine.", "it will be nice to see your friends" "you've got a great teacher this year". That reassurance can feel like a brush-off, and it shuts the conversation down rather than opening it up. Instead, try to understand what's really worrying them. Anxiety is very often about something specific and unknown — not "school" as a whole, but one particular thing buried inside it — and once you know what that is, you're often able to answer it, problem-solve it together, or simply show them it's smaller than it felt. As school gets closer, notice their mood and how regulated they seem, and do what you can to boost your connection and support their regulation — this is what will help them face a difficult situation.

# 7. Reduce the unknowns Uncertainty is one of the biggest sources of anxiety, so do what you can to take the guesswork out of the day. Talk through things like how you'll get to school, what they'll have for breakfast that morning, what to wear, their lunch choice, what happens after school, and who will pick them up and where you'll meet. Don't cover it all in one go — drip-feed these small facts in over time.

# 8. Ask about visiting before term starts If school has an inset day before your child returns, see if you can speak to their teacher to answer some of these unknowns, or even pop in to see their classroom in advance. Many schools are happy to arrange this if you ask - if you are really lucky, your school will offer it.

# 9. Look after your own regulation — it matters more than any of the above Of everything on this list, your own regulation has the single biggest impact on your child. Children co-regulate off the adults around them: if you're calm, that calm rubs off; if you're frazzled, they'll feel it too, however well you think you're hiding it. The first morning back is stressful for everyone — getting up on time, big feelings, the rush out of the door — so work hard to set yourself up to be as calm as you can be. Prep the night before, get an early night, and stop to take a breath when things start to feel wobbly. You're the glue that can hold it all together, and your own steadiness is what lets your child borrow some calm of their own.

It's not a magic wand

None of these ideas are a magic wand, and if you have a child who struggles with school, the first day back will be hard whatever you do. But with a bit of thought and some strategic planning, you can make it just a little less hard.

If your child is finding the return to school particularly tough, one of the things I do in coaching is help parents pinpoint exactly what's behind the anxiety — the specific thing causing the distress, rather than "school" in general. Once you know that, it's much easier to help. If that would be useful, get in touch to find out more.